Arousal

This is a really interesting topic, and one that can be loved, enjoyed, pursued, maintained, avoided, feared, or anything in-between.

The most important thing is ‘arousal depends on context’ - the entirety of the situation we’re in and whether this turns us on or not. This means arousal can change from second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour, and day to day. It’s alive and it’s VERY responsive, particularly to our depth of desire for those around us, our feeling of safety in the situation, and our comfort with actually feeling aroused.

Erogenous zones are commonly described alongside arousal because we like to be touched, kissed, nibbled, bitten, slapped, tickled, stroked, licked, talked to, looked at, adored, admired, teased, flirted with, supported, made safe, and a host of other sensual and erotic goodies. This means our arousal is not just our bodily response but also our psychological and emotional desire.

In general, those with a penis tend to become rapidly aroused - sometimes in less than 30 seconds - while those with vulvas can take up to 40 minutes. This is where timing and patience in love play become important, and where the elimination of performance pressure and the intentional engagement with presence and fun can really make arousal the very best thing for satisfying sex.

There’s such a rich depth to arousal and there’s a wide range of factors to consider when arousal may be overflowing or reduced or absent. Try the Gentle Awakening, Exploring Pleasure, or Deep Arousal offerings to dive into ways to explore your own arousal.